Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hidden • 9/7/09

I am one who is rejecting. I am one who has avoided doing this reading. I am the one who is scared and angry and wants to limit this reading to, there is no difference between light and shadow. Light and dark are one. Light and dark are from the same source. I feel pissed off. Why suffer? I am one who suffers from what my mind creates. For Source there truly is no difference between light and dark. Light is, dark is. How silly to 'think' light is good and shadow is bad. This is pronounced by the sunlight on our yard in the collage. The tree shadow (shade) is not 'bad'. No more than the sun light on the ground is 'good'. I love shade and sun.
I am the one who creates the negative, not Source. Day is not better than night. I feel ashamed and heart broken of my suffering. How does this happen?
I am one who is unseen. I am one who skirts around the truth of me. I am one for whom the boundaries were over stepped. I am one who over steps the boundaries. I am one who is moving forward. Beautiful. Source's plan for me is not, hold back. I am one who is leaving behind, "I am in control".
The past is over, to live the past keeps me down. In past lives, I am one who kept my sanity by rejecting others and rejecting my experience. Despite the torment, I held on to Spirit.
I am one who loves sea and land. I love softness.
I am one who requires time for quiet. I am one who is peaceful. I am one who softly, gently, lovingly, holds hands. I am one who hides and seeks.
I am one who is curious. I am one who is cute! I am one who sometimes can't see. There is a time for quiet and a time for action. Just like night and day. I am one for whom the beam of light looks like a spot light of which I am afraid of. Hiding is safer.
I am one who is a traveling show. I am one who thought I was done being on the road. Instead I have a whole road ahead of me! I am one who has been and is on the love road, whatever it takes. I am one who has a future, I know what it is only when I am there. I am one who trusts and accepts.
I am one who is bothered. I am one who is not getting the point of my soulcollage. Who is not getting the point of my soul. Leaving judgement totally behind is the best thing I could ever do.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Memorial to All My Deaths • 5/31/10

This death card was unintentionally done on the eve of and Memorial day! I want to doubt I had two NDE's. There is too much evidence to the contrary though. Like the hand marks on my neck, seen by my whole post grad group. And the hand that went up to cover my nose during another group therapy session. 15 years after the therapy groups, I am exploring these NDE's, not by my choice. I am one who is mad at my body for holding my spirit here. I did not want to leave my body behind. What would happen to my family if I died? I am one who feels like I have been a watcher of my family all my life.
At the time, infancy, I left my life behind. What is my life? I am one who is happy now. What is my purpose? What is the purpose of life? Some say to learn. I am one who is unscientific, life just is. I am one who has taken the opportunity to make life awesome. And learn like mad.
Death is part of the life cycle. That's all. I am one who longed for death, and would carry death out by not living my truth. I am one who lived for others. Even doing what wasn't asked for. My purpose was for others, I left myself out. I created that, they didn't. Why relinquish my truth, my life?
I am one who sacrificed. What did I sacrifice? My life. Even though I didn't die, I sacrificed my life. Why didn't I do what God wanted me to? I gave up my life as a child for the sake of my family. I realize in this moment, this was my way of love and grandiose.
Sacrifice - an act of offering to a deity something precious, especially the killing of a victim on an alter.
- something offered in sacrifice.
- a destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else.
- something given up or lost.
- loss.
Wow, I gave up my life. Sacrifice is about love. I loved and love my family. In so doing I lost myself and love. Kicked and kicked and tortured myself. Done with that deal, thank you. Either them or me is ridiculous. Love prevails.
Jesus, the perfect person, died on the cross in offering God for the forgiveness of sins. Therefore his death a sacrifice. I can't 'get' this. Right ear is burning. I do not want to get it. Did I sin for not sacrificing myself? Actually during the NDE I had not even considered coming back. Others brought me back.
Giving myself to God. Give myself to God without the sacrifice of death. Is that possible? Now I know yes.
I can't get that Jesus died for our sins. Jesus was tortured by the Romans. Brutally beaten and hung on the cross to die a slow painful death. John 10:17-18 Lay down my life. Take it up again. Happened to me.
What has Jesus got to do with me? Something. Came to me in Holotropic Breathwork™ and a SoulCollage®.
I am one who knows, dead or alive, spirit lives. I am just a part of the life cycle. The roses, food and knife are symbols of death being a part of the life cycle. Spirit lives on, I know from when I was dead. Spirit is indestructible and brilliant. I am one who knows stamina.
I am one who had to line the turkey up with the gravy, just like death is the line up for rebirth. We don't think of food as dead. Thanksgiving - part of my life cycle is giving thanks for sins instead of being persecuted for them. Sins got me to reacquaint with God. Maybe that's how Jesus was getting us to God? I am one who is constantly learning and sorting life out.
I am one who is bound up still i.e. constipation. I am one who is afraid to unbind, to let loose and live my life.
I am one who is a savior. I bring God to people in everyday, ordinary ways. All is of pure. I am a perennial flower, I keep coming back life after life.
Even though this is the death card I only see life. I don't see death when I see Jesus either. I see life. I see spirit. That is why I think of the good in people. Stop sacrificing my precious gift, me. I feel happy within.
I had left my life behind. My second house (physical body & material resources) SoulCollage® 11/17/08, Jesus shed his body. I didn't. I was much younger, an infant, and I had stuff to do for God. Love to give. My material resources do not feel like mine. My spirit is not 'mine'. All belongs to All.

Take a Chance on Love • 8/4/10

I am one who took a chance on Love and Love is what I got. Yippee. Love is where the rubber hits the road! When I meet anything with love the result is Divine. Take my hand and follow me to Love. I am one who is gentle. Love is gentle. My shell is gone. My veil is gone. I am one who is centered in pure love. I am the egg that cracked open and my center is perfectly golden b/c my center is God. I am on who is through with all my former associations of God. Saying the word God, I smile. Religion isn't my thing, God sure is. Why not center in God? In Peace. In Gentleness. In Love. In Compassion. And reform myself from anything in the way. No need for a bulldozer, God will do! Peace is my path.
My engine for love started long, long. long ago. Way before I was even born. With God's help and all Gods helpers, I see the forest and the trees. I am one who is naturally like a flower. Sometimes in bloom, sometimes getting there. Sometimes just quietly, or loudly! hanging in there. Sometimes I am seen, sometimes I am not. I never know exactly what I will be like. I always have a choice. Love is the best choice. Love is the best medicine. There may seem like a chance or risk, in choosing Love. Yet, it is a given, love breeds love. Now how great is that. On the other hand fear is painFull. Aint' no fear in this SoulCollage® and that is where my body is headed.
With this ring, I thee wed, God. When I am wed with God, life is a breeze, so is my relationship with Norman :) So roll the Love dice, you will always end up with Love :)
My hand is in the hand of God, which is Love. My hand is in the hand of Love and is the hand of Love, I thank God. Touch my hand and feel love. I am one who loves to hold Norman's hand :)
How fortunate I am to see, feel, hear, touch, taste, smell, live God.
I am one who is done with the seven deadly sins. Greed, wrath, sloth, pride, lust, envy, gluttony, farewell old friends. Bye, bye, blew a kiss!! Freudian slip, I wrote gluttony twice. Gluttony was the dearest of the old friends. I am one who knows compulsive overeating kills me, kills my spirit. I am one who has a problem with waste and that is what I created inside of me. So interesting this awakening. I thought I could go on and on. I realize I am complete. I know what complete feels like, Heavenly. Love is completion. Love requires nothing tangibly. Love increases Love, the best bargain on earth! The more Love there is, The more Love there is. Love automatically expands Love, compulsion not required. Amen.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Ocamora • 8/13/10

I am the fish in the sky! I am one who is unusual. I am one who carries love, spreads love, is love. I believed what my mother did to me was because of me. How on earth can a 2 month old be wrong? Absolutely no way. No children are wrong. Wounds take time to recognize. Me rushing through life was my way to get away from the pain of the moment. Every pain is held in place until I pay attention. Now is the time Ocamora is the place. In the big field of tall grass. I am the flower who with stands all storms and is shaped accordingly. The mountains hold me. I am the electricity. I am the rain, the clouds, the earth, the sky. I am fishing along the path of light. Light heals, darkness wounds. I am one who's heart got wounded. Bring in the Divine and extract my wounded cells. I am afraid I will be too much light and get rejected again. Now my light is totally ok. I am deeply grateful for those who come for help turning their light on. I was afraid bashers would come. I am here to do God's job for me. How cool to be employed from the get go! Humbly being as big as I am, as broad as I am, as all as I am is what God gave me and nothing less. All is a great word as there is no measurement. Time to step up to the plate. An eating disorder was the wrong troth. If I know one thing, the way to resolve all is within. That's where the power is, that's where the light is. There is absolutely no judging a book by its cover. I don't know who I am, yippee. I do know what I am. I am love. I am a child of God. I am infinite. I am divine in nature. And I have tried and tried to reject all this. Has something to do with the NDE. Being light equals being a goner. Divine - of or pertaining to God, especially the supreme being. My right ear is hot. I wont listen. Don't tell me I am a supreme being. Why not? Too much responsibility. I am not alone. Oh, I've got all the help in the universe. Divine - address, appropriated, or devoted to God, sacred, worship. I am not there. I am not devoted to God. I am still devoted to my personality. I am one who needs to let go of my personality being in charge. Like my personality was all I had as a child. I was not at all consciously in touch with God. In a way I worshiped myself. What way? To get me through. To stay alive. Divine - proceeding from God. No time for me. I have to fit myself in around others in my schedule. Divine - God like, character of or befitting a deity. Divine magnanimity - very generous or forgiving, especially toward someone less powerful than oneself. I can do that. Freedom. Divine - heavenly, celestial. The divine kingdom is my body and all. Divine - informal, extremely good. Unusually lovely! I love the informal, that's me. Divine - being a God, being God, a divine person. I see the divine in others, must be in me. Divine - of superhuman or surpassing, excellence. Just is, no ego required. Divine - priest or member of clergy. Home God! Divine - a. God. b. the spiritual aspect of humans, the group of attributes and qualities of human kind regarded as godly or godlike. Divine is present. Divine - to discover or declare, something obscure or in the future, by divination, prophecy. Thats the part of being psychic I've said I don't do. So much for rejecting what is! Divine - to discover by means of a divining rod. My water came back while getting cranial sacral, 8/30/10. Divine - to perceive by intuition or insight, conjecture. I am one who is psychic, is divine. Only my mind rejects my divinity. Divine - to use or practice divination, prophesy. All is divine able. We're all Super Natural. I am one who has nothing over or under anyone else. Divinely. Divine healing - healing through the divine. The only way that has worked for me. Diviner - a person who divines. What a fun job description for me! Divine Mother - Hinduism. the creative, dynamic aspect of the Godhead, the consort or Shakti of Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva, Devi, Durga, Kali, Shakati. DivineHealing. DivineHealth. Divine Being. (playing with job descriptions!!) Anyway. Love, Love, Love. After the ecstasy, the laundry. What a divine morning. Thank you God. Thank God :) Now to work God goes with me. There is no separation, only my mind separates. Yippee, happy to go to work as God is with me.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

BeautyFull • 8/13/10

I am one who is beautiful, just like all is. I am one who is forthright, who is peaceful. The beads on my string have changed from abuse, anger, fear, pain, compulsion to a legacy of love, peace, joy and beauty. I am one who is a woman. I am one who has never been so beautiful and is about to be 50! I am one who is the rainbow of life, soaked in the purity of water. I am one who is adorned with the beauty that all Nature is, including human nature. I am one who wonders why live 'out there'? I am one who is free. I am one who is born again. I am one for whom the cycle of a fear based and all that manifests from fear, life is over. I am one who is an inspiration. I am one who is inspired. I am one who has my mind in a conscious place. I am one who has a positive, beautiful, patient mind. I am one who is 'being'. From being I grow. The content of the Bible is not important, sacredness is. I love you isn't all the way there. I love I is all the way. I am one who knows all the way and I am not there. What will it take to be all the way? Someone to hold the space. To hold the love, the energy for me. Where I can totally let go. Surrender not keep Holding On. Turn my life over to God, without the fear I'll die. So I am scared of dying after all, especially alone. Scared of dying permanently. I am terrified of even getting close to dying prematurely. Or to anything close to dying, loosing control, loosing me in charge, including the journeys at Ocamora. I am terrified of really letting God take over. Love take over. I am baptised in Love. Deep meditation is not dying. It is supposed to be one with God, mystery, growth, discovery. I got God now. Oh God is there for me. Of course I am. Of course God is. The only difference is form. Me nor anyone else would be alive without God. God is the essence of life. God is life. This is not the body dead or alive. This is me, my aliveness in life is God. I am full of God. I emit God. I am a child of God, Joni Mitchell. I am in the circle. I am the circle. I love circles. The universal symbol. Our home. Our house. I am a being of quiet. No holes barred. I am free. My bounds are over. Are over.

FearLess • 8/13/10

I am one who is oblivious to fear. Who lives on the edge of the physical and didn't even know. I am one who is the innocent child, free to live in the moment without worrying about the future, what is next. What is next has always been there and always will be. I am one who loves softness and beauty. I am one who loves the coolness of water. Water is everlasting. My soul is everlasting. A beautiful soul is what I have to pass on. That is my gift to God and God is all. There is no fall. All just is, like our leaking roof! I am one who knows humor is great medicine. Love is great medicine. My relationship with Norman is great medicine.

Movin' On • 8/13/10

It is no mistake this collage is after 'Gentle'. With all that out in the open there is no stopping me now, until fear and pain are gone. I have forgiven Mom. My tool is no longer secrecy, hiding. I am one who's mother's mother died right after Mom was born. I am one who is nervous. I am one who had nervous family members. I am one who had a brother who took me under his wing. There is nothing, nothing, nothing I am more grateful for in my life. I am one who was in so much fear and pain, I went out there. As a child there was nothing else I could do. If it weren't for me my sister and brother may not have had it so bad? I am one who feels guilty. I am one who married late. Who is grateful for our marriage of relationship and love. I am one who wishes I could help my siblings. I am one who realizes I am judging them by saying that. The one I help is me. I am the glory of the deep blue beautiful water. Gushing at lightening speed with no measurement. I am one who sees the light. I am one who is solid as a rock. I am one who is growing and growing. I am one who is broad. I am one who is all one.

Gentle • 8/13/10

I am one who is gentle at heart. I am one who remembers when I am scared God is there for me, Norman is there for me. No matter how battered I got, love reins. I am the diamond in the rough, thanks to God. I may appear alone, yet there is no such thing. Love is my constant in a nature of change. Love is unlimited and doesn't depend on people. I am one who sees love. I am one who's "been there." I am one who's Aunt was there for me. I am one who's brother was there for me. I am one who was afraid to be there. I am one who wants to be fully here. I want all of me to be home in me. I want all of me to come home from my mother ill behavior. I feel harsh. I am one who knows I am not all here, together in my body. There are gaps and ways in which I can not hold myself like the man in the collage is holding the kitten. I don't have, everything is ok now. I am one who really wants to let go of childhood affects and be fully me. Be present to me, be all here on earth in my body. I am one who notices my hand writing got better during this recorded collage reading. I am one who is terrified to mother myself. Mother feels like a killer instinct, instead of a gentle, loving, available, protective soul. I am one who took on my mothers fear. I am one who thinks of my loved ones and many disturbing mother experiences. My mother got no help. Was my mother desperate? Did she have a clue what was happening to her? She was alone, in inordinate amounts of pain with no way out? My mother has not called me in the past 10 years that Norman & I have been together. I am one who could not get my mother be loving toward me. Seems odd I would feel more from my severely abusive Dad, then again at least there was feeling. Big lump in my throat as I experience neither parent showed me love. As I do not for myself.
Art draws me out, that is why I refrain. Art is peaceful. I am afraid of peace. That is why I keep moving. When I first started soulcollaging I could not sit still. I have never been an easy does it gal. I love you, Cheryl. Thank you, Cheryl. Please forgive me for all my self disdain, all my self ciritcism, all my separation from self. I am the field of flowers in Natures way. Taking the shape Nature has given me. Blessed me with. I am one who is a blessing. What would I do without me? I am one who is a part of the universe. I am here to love, serve and remember. I am connected to all. I feel my place, my value, my importance to others and God. I am one who must feel my place, value and importance to me. I am one who rejected me. I am one who feels rejection. I've got joy, joy, joy, joy, deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay. I've got peace, peace, peace, peace deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay. I've got love, love, love, love deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay.

Wow • 8/12/10

I am one who is speechless, amen! I am one who is amazed. I am one who sometimes sticks my nose in too far. I am the voluptuous pitch black. I am one who is shadow and shining light. Please allow me to shine my light all over you! Awe holds me in my tracks. My feet enjoy being buried in the cool earth. I am one who is planted in the earth, going for the ride!

Glow • 8/12/10

I am one who pushes the edge. Who is glad to be alive and discover. I am one who loves the fire in life. I am one who is captivated by fire. I am one who can handle life no matter how big the fire ball is! I am one who glows and shines. I am one who transforms and has transformed a great deal. I am one who is firm.

SoulFull • 8/12/10

I am one who is lost in her own world. I once was lost and now am found. Was blind yet now I see. Lost was only an adjective. I am one who is grounded now. Just sittin' on my horse in the field, my work. I am one who feels what it is like to be gone. I am one who loves to smile and be dopey. I am one who loves the wind blowin' in my hair. I am one who feels freedom. I am the unhidden cowboy. Yahoo. Time is irrelevant. Now is. Awesome to be out of hiding.

Adorable • 8/12/10

I am one who is tickled to love you. To 'neak up on you with love. I am one who is from root to bloom. I am one who is all divinely physical. I am one who is adorable. I am one who loves to smile, to adore you. I am one who loves life & nature. I am the flower child who sought to have joy, love & peace & who now has all three.

PeaceFull • 8/12/10

I am one who needs to lean on Spirit. There I rest in peace, any time, anywhere. I've got God. I am grateful to tears for my wonderful husband.

JoyFull • 8/12/10

I am one who loves freedom. Joy is living me. I am the accordian, the tall grass, the ground cover, the food, the beverage, the women, the man, the child. I am all that is, just like everyone else. I've got joy, joy, joy, joy deep in my heart. Where? Deep in my heart. Deep in my heart to stay.

Incredible • 8/12/10

I am one who got here. I am one who doesn't know exactly how I got here. How I got here doesn't matter. My life is incredible. Thank you God.