Tuesday, August 31, 2010

BeautyFull • 8/13/10


I am one who is beautiful, just like all is. I am one who is forthright, who is peaceful. The beads on my string have changed from abuse, anger, fear, pain, compulsion to a legacy of love, peace, joy and beauty. I am one who is a woman. I am one who has never been so beautiful and is about to be 50! I am one who is the rainbow of life, soaked in the purity of water. I am one who is adorned with the beauty that all Nature is, including human nature. I am one who wonders why live 'out there'? I am one who is free. I am one who is born again. I am one for whom the cycle of a fear based and all that manifests from fear, life is over. I am one who is an inspiration. I am one who is inspired. I am one who has my mind in a conscious place. I am one who has a positive, beautiful, patient mind. I am one who is 'being'. From being I grow. The content of the Bible is not important, sacredness is. I love you isn't all the way there. I love I is all the way. I am one who knows all the way and I am not there. What will it take to be all the way? Someone to hold the space. To hold the love, the energy for me. Where I can totally let go. Surrender not keep Holding On. Turn my life over to God, without the fear I'll die. So I am scared of dying after all, especially alone. Scared of dying permanently. I am terrified of even getting close to dying prematurely. Or to anything close to dying, loosing control, loosing me in charge, including the journeys at Ocamora. I am terrified of really letting God take over. Love take over. I am baptised in Love. Deep meditation is not dying. It is supposed to be one with God, mystery, growth, discovery. I got God now. Oh God is there for me. Of course I am. Of course God is. The only difference is form. Me nor anyone else would be alive without God. God is the essence of life. God is life. This is not the body dead or alive. This is me, my aliveness in life is God. I am full of God. I emit God. I am a child of God, Joni Mitchell. I am in the circle. I am the circle. I love circles. The universal symbol. Our home. Our house. I am a being of quiet. No holes barred. I am free. My bounds are over. Are over.

FearLess • 8/13/10


I am one who is oblivious to fear. Who lives on the edge of the physical and didn't even know. I am one who is the innocent child, free to live in the moment without worrying about the future, what is next. What is next has always been there and always will be. I am one who loves softness and beauty. I am one who loves the coolness of water. Water is everlasting. My soul is everlasting. A beautiful soul is what I have to pass on. That is my gift to God and God is all. There is no fall. All just is, like our leaking roof! I am one who knows humor is great medicine. Love is great medicine. My relationship with Norman is great medicine.

Movin' On • 8/13/10


It is no mistake this collage is after 'Gentle'. With all that out in the open there is no stopping me now, until fear and pain are gone. I have forgiven Mom. My tool is no longer secrecy, hiding. I am one who's mother's mother died right after Mom was born. I am one who is nervous. I am one who had nervous family members. I am one who had a brother who took me under his wing. There is nothing, nothing, nothing I am more grateful for in my life. I am one who was in so much fear and pain, I went out there. As a child there was nothing else I could do. If it weren't for me my sister and brother may not have had it so bad? I am one who feels guilty. I am one who married late. Who is grateful for our marriage of relationship and love. I am one who wishes I could help my siblings. I am one who realizes I am judging them by saying that. The one I help is me. I am the glory of the deep blue beautiful water. Gushing at lightening speed with no measurement. I am one who sees the light. I am one who is solid as a rock. I am one who is growing and growing. I am one who is broad. I am one who is all one.

Gentle • 8/13/10


I am one who is gentle at heart. I am one who remembers when I am scared God is there for me, Norman is there for me. No matter how battered I got, love reins. I am the diamond in the rough, thanks to God. I may appear alone, yet there is no such thing. Love is my constant in a nature of change. Love is unlimited and doesn't depend on people. I am one who sees love. I am one who's "been there." I am one who's Aunt was there for me. I am one who's brother was there for me. I am one who was afraid to be there. I am one who wants to be fully here. I want all of me to be home in me. I want all of me to come home from my mother ill behavior. I feel harsh. I am one who knows I am not all here, together in my body. There are gaps and ways in which I can not hold myself like the man in the collage is holding the kitten. I don't have, everything is ok now. I am one who really wants to let go of childhood affects and be fully me. Be present to me, be all here on earth in my body. I am one who notices my hand writing got better during this recorded collage reading. I am one who is terrified to mother myself. Mother feels like a killer instinct, instead of a gentle, loving, available, protective soul. I am one who took on my mothers fear. I am one who thinks of my loved ones and many disturbing mother experiences. My mother got no help. Was my mother desperate? Did she have a clue what was happening to her? She was alone, in inordinate amounts of pain with no way out? My mother has not called me in the past 10 years that Norman & I have been together. I am one who could not get my mother be loving toward me. Seems odd I would feel more from my severely abusive Dad, then again at least there was feeling. Big lump in my throat as I experience neither parent showed me love. As I do not for myself.
Art draws me out, that is why I refrain. Art is peaceful. I am afraid of peace. That is why I keep moving. When I first started soulcollaging I could not sit still. I have never been an easy does it gal. I love you, Cheryl. Thank you, Cheryl. Please forgive me for all my self disdain, all my self ciritcism, all my separation from self. I am the field of flowers in Natures way. Taking the shape Nature has given me. Blessed me with. I am one who is a blessing. What would I do without me? I am one who is a part of the universe. I am here to love, serve and remember. I am connected to all. I feel my place, my value, my importance to others and God. I am one who must feel my place, value and importance to me. I am one who rejected me. I am one who feels rejection. I've got joy, joy, joy, joy, deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay. I've got peace, peace, peace, peace deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay. I've got love, love, love, love deep in my heart and deep in my mind to stay.

Wow • 8/12/10






I am one who is speechless, amen! I am one who is amazed. I am one who sometimes sticks my nose in too far. I am the voluptuous pitch black. I am one who is shadow and shining light. Please allow me to shine my light all over you! Awe holds me in my tracks. My feet enjoy being buried in the cool earth. I am one who is planted in the earth, going for the ride!

Glow • 8/12/10


I am one who pushes the edge. Who is glad to be alive and discover. I am one who loves the fire in life. I am one who is captivated by fire. I am one who can handle life no matter how big the fire ball is! I am one who glows and shines. I am one who transforms and has transformed a great deal. I am one who is firm.

SoulFull • 8/12/10


I am one who is lost in her own world. I once was lost and now am found. Was blind yet now I see. Lost was only an adjective. I am one who is grounded now. Just sittin' on my horse in the field, my work. I am one who feels what it is like to be gone. I am one who loves to smile and be dopey. I am one who loves the wind blowin' in my hair. I am one who feels freedom. I am the unhidden cowboy. Yahoo. Time is irrelevant. Now is. Awesome to be out of hiding.

Adorable • 8/12/10


I am one who is tickled to love you. To 'neak up on you with love. I am one who is from root to bloom. I am one who is all divinely physical. I am one who is adorable. I am one who loves to smile, to adore you. I am one who loves life & nature. I am the flower child who sought to have joy, love & peace & who now has all three.

PeaceFull • 8/12/10

I am one who needs to lean on Spirit. There I rest in peace, any time, anywhere. I've got God. I am grateful to tears for my wonderful husband.

JoyFull • 8/12/10


I am one who loves freedom. Joy is living me. I am the accordian, the tall grass, the ground cover, the food, the beverage, the women, the man, the child. I am all that is, just like everyone else. I've got joy, joy, joy, joy deep in my heart. Where? Deep in my heart. Deep in my heart to stay.

Incredible • 8/12/10


I am one who got here. I am one who doesn't know exactly how I got here. How I got here doesn't matter. My life is incredible. Thank you God.