This mornings tracking.
Being selfish does not get me (or anyone) what I want. Most people think it does. "I want" are the key words. What my mind thinks I want and what is true to my well being can vary greatly.
Yesterday my 2nd chai (what my thought lead me to) did me in.
I avoid nurturing myself (what would have served me well i.e. time outside).
I think of a poem I wrote many years ago. Describing the terror and pain I experienced and went to candy, cookies.. for " warmth, calm, peace, love, relief, joy and pleasure."
I know "something" is beyond these feelings. What is "it"?
Stop living limited to my personality. Emotions and food are overrated!
Judgement is the ultimate limiter.
Blame and shame prevent me from getting beyond the limits of emotion.
In blame and shame I am a victim. And a perpetrator. I carry these out toward myself.
Personal growth is living, not separate. My ratio is out of whack, too much personality.
The "it" from above is, live divine, without separation. The way Stan Grof and Brian Weiss are is living divine.
As a female, can I live the divine?
This is only for males (remember this is, now was, my mental programming).
Felt some physical pain. As soon as I felt in my body I wanted M & M's. Eating an M & M would be like drinking a beer at 8am. Why will I not nurture me?
"What is the bigger picture?"
Girls are bad.
Major program, that was unconscious to me.
Yesterday I picked Dog, the animal medicine card contrary. Means unloyal. For me, unloyal to self, (girls are bad).
Girls are bad program, manifested in many ways in my life. Now that the program is gone, the manifestations are gone. Whew!
I live divine.
This is tracking, an amazing way to finding what needs to be transformed.
To release this and any program that is contrary to myself or others, I connect with the same energy that took me/anyone from a cell to a full grown body and observe the transformation.
Nature is divine. Living my nature is fun :)